Good morning readers,
Well I was lying in bed with a bit of a fever, and just could not settle my mind or body – it didn’t help that I was hot and then cold – continually, or had a bad headache – oh stop whinging!
So what better way to settle one’s mind than being creative with a blog post!
I thought that I would write a little piece on reflection.
No… not what I see in the mirror each morning!
|Combined images from:
What I am talking about is thinking about our actions, our thoughts, or our feelings.
The other day I was reading and commenting on a post by a fellow blogger, who’s had it tough in recent years. The post I am referring to is about moderating comments on her blog.
I wanted to comment on her blog, because I wanted to reflect on my own thoughts and feelings; and not just on her post.
Many of us wander aimlessly through life, oblivious to what is actually going on in our head. Why we act in a certain way, or why or behaviour can be so bad; why we are victims, or rescuers.
Some of us occasionally stop and think! Why did I do that? Could I have handled that better? Or more importantly, why did that person arouse such feelings in me?
And no, I am not talking about that sort of feeling!
I am thinking more about how we respond to other people’s behaviour or feelings.
The way we feel about someone’s behaviour, often results in us behaving in a particular way – in response. Sometimes this is a conditioned response!
A common statement by people who abuse others is “She made me do it”, or “he made me angry”…
… you’ve heard them all …
Let’s just create a fictional circumstance. Two men are in an argument and a brawl ensues. At the completion of the brawl, with two bloody and broken men, one guy says to bystanders “he was asking for it”.
Who was the cause of this situation? The first person who punched, or the person who punched last? Perhaps the first person to start yelling?
or perhaps…. both of them?
Certainly I would find it unbelievable if anyone would actually want to get beaten; which would make the statement of “he was asking for it” somewhat questionable.
But… what caused the person to hit the other. His anger? Rage? Perhaps he was just having a bad day?
Do YOU reflect on why you react, write, or respond in certain ways?
When you last got angry with your partner, did you reflect on the conversation/argument?
Did you blame the other person, as so often happens?
Did you consider that maybe you were both… wrong … or did you just say “yeah he says that all the time. I’m sick of his shit!”. Or something similar.
What was it that caused those emotions to arise?
You see, no single person has the power to control us.
In other words, when someone says “she made me angry”, can we actually say that this is the case?
Is it possible for the other person to make us say something, make us act in a particular way? Did someone get into your head and waggle your tongue for your? Perhaps they grabbed hold of your arm for you and swung it at themselves?
No! It is not possible. In fact it sounds a bit ludicrous don’t you think?
So why did you act in that way. What feelings arose in you that caused you to respond in that way?
We are in control of every action, reaction or behaviour that we exhibit. Our behaviour is a definitive response to the way we feel.
When we get angry, it is because we choose to!
I am not suggesting that this is a conscious response, though it might be.
We may have learned it by watching our parents, reacting to bullies in the playground, or cultured it. Maybe it has been nurtured due to unfortunate circumstances.
Whatever the case, it is still OUR action. We own it. No-one has made us act in that way, it is our choice, even if it isn’t a conscious choice!
However, we can change the way we act, react or behave.
One of the ways that we can do this is by reflecting. It isn’t easy, and it takes courage and honesty.
In order to look deep into yourself and question your actions, you are going to have to be motivated. More importantly you have to take ownership of your actions or behaviour.
I said those nasty things.
I punched that guy.
I got angry when that person made a mistake.
“I” own it! “I” did it! It was MY reaction!
Can you do that?
There is little point in owning your behaviour, if you have no willingness to then review what caused the situation in the first place. You must reflect on it.
You see, while owning your behaviour is critical in changing it, if you cannot review your behaviour, then there is little point!
This review of your behaviour is called reflection!
Ah… No, not that type of reflection!
But for those who just love taking selfies…
…perhaps that in itself needs some reflection 🙂
If you review what the causes of your behaviour are, you then have a chance of changing it.Sometimes we need professional help!
But, as mentioned, that requires honesty, motivation and the willingness to change.
Beware of falling into the trap of blaming the other person. This is an escape from taking responsibility for your own actions! It is definitely NOT reflecting!
Even if the other person was silly, it is your choice to react the way that you do – and that is what you are reflecting on!
Well it is now 02:20 (that is AM), and I need to reflect on why I just had to do this right NOW!!!
I will probably be too awake to try to go back to sleep. Another blog anyone?…
I hope you enjoyed it!
Bye for now,